Woman gets her exam
Have you ever seen those multi-page double-sided health history questionnaires they make you fill out? There are no less than three places where you have to indicate when was the last time you had sex (er... half hour before the appointment? I showered! Really! I did!). Then indicate what kind of sex you usually have (check all that apply): oral, anal, vaginal. Gender of your partners: Male, female, both. You get the idea.
I could see the nurse's eyes get a little bigger as she read my answers. Then she paused and asked me how many partners I had in the last 90 days. I was caught off guard by an unexpected question, still half naked and draped with a flimsy paper towel. I can't think well when my pants are off, which come to think of it, explains quite a bit about my life. I stalled a bit, asking innocently if I missed that question somehow, while in the back of my mind I was panicking, desperately trying to remember every Dick I met in the last 90 days and how fucking long ago did I meet that guy from Minneapolis and god dammit I need to peruse NSA section a little less and for real how many did I fuck and do I have to count random blow jobs or having sex with an ex-boyfriend omg I can't tell her THAT number am I really such a slut she is going to call CDC and a swat team in biohazard suits will show up for pete's sake!!! I finally squeaked out a number. She did a double take. That many? In the last 90 days? I stammered and said "let's not go there". Really, I know how fucked up I am, but I definitely did not check Yes on the question "do you have any concerns about sex you would like to discuss today?".
The nurse, without missing a beat, said "You know what, have as many partners as you want! Just practice safe sex!" and opened up a medicine cabinet. "Here are a few for the road!" she chirped, dumping rolls of condoms in a little goody bag with pamphlets she had sitting on the table next to my chart. Shocked that someone can be so accepting, I stuttered and said "Just how many do you think I need?!" She smiled and said "As many as it takes!" I was speechless. Thank you, nurse practioner. You rock. You were absolutely wonderful today. You not only had an outstanding bedside manner that more than a few doctors should acquire but you also showed genuine kindness and understanding that is so rarely seen anywhere today, much less in medical profession. Most of all, thank you for not judging and thank you for supporting me.
I could see the nurse's eyes get a little bigger as she read my answers. Then she paused and asked me how many partners I had in the last 90 days. I was caught off guard by an unexpected question, still half naked and draped with a flimsy paper towel. I can't think well when my pants are off, which come to think of it, explains quite a bit about my life. I stalled a bit, asking innocently if I missed that question somehow, while in the back of my mind I was panicking, desperately trying to remember every Dick I met in the last 90 days and how fucking long ago did I meet that guy from Minneapolis and god dammit I need to peruse NSA section a little less and for real how many did I fuck and do I have to count random blow jobs or having sex with an ex-boyfriend omg I can't tell her THAT number am I really such a slut she is going to call CDC and a swat team in biohazard suits will show up for pete's sake!!! I finally squeaked out a number. She did a double take. That many? In the last 90 days? I stammered and said "let's not go there". Really, I know how fucked up I am, but I definitely did not check Yes on the question "do you have any concerns about sex you would like to discuss today?".
The nurse, without missing a beat, said "You know what, have as many partners as you want! Just practice safe sex!" and opened up a medicine cabinet. "Here are a few for the road!" she chirped, dumping rolls of condoms in a little goody bag with pamphlets she had sitting on the table next to my chart. Shocked that someone can be so accepting, I stuttered and said "Just how many do you think I need?!" She smiled and said "As many as it takes!" I was speechless. Thank you, nurse practioner. You rock. You were absolutely wonderful today. You not only had an outstanding bedside manner that more than a few doctors should acquire but you also showed genuine kindness and understanding that is so rarely seen anywhere today, much less in medical profession. Most of all, thank you for not judging and thank you for supporting me.
posted by Taxi Mark at 12:27 AM
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